Michael (fireheart) wrote,
Michael
fireheart

  • Location:
  • Mood:
  • Music:

A Graduation of Sorts, in a Dream

For some time now, years probably, I have had dreams about going back to school. I don't mean going back to grad school or even going back to college. In these dreams, I go back to high school, not as a teenager, but as myself, a 20-something with a college degree. I would go to classes, learn new and interesting things. I think that I even did various bits of homework, but, of course, there was no stress because I knew that nothing I did there really mattered since I had already graduated college years before.

When the dreams first started, they were about first arriving at the school, which, in the dream like way, was never entirely fixed in physical appearance or any particulars. As time went on, I was more established at the school.

This morning, I woke up from what felt like a very cathartic dream on this topic. I was walking around the school as I often did. The problem with not needing to do anything is that a regular occurrence was forgetting what the period order was today or what classes were which. This was never really a stressful thing because it really didn't matter. If I didn't make it to class, there would be no great consequences, but this was a common theme, not knowing where I was supposed to go next.

Apparently in this dream, I had been absent for some time. I had sent in a note or whatever documentation they needed for it, but they had never gotten it. I was walking by an office and an ill-tempered woman inside called me in sharply by my last name. I informed her in a sharp but polite tone that I had already sent her what she wanted, but she proceeded to berate me for not sending it in. We argued with great fervor for a time before I finally left the room. She insisted that the documentation was very important and implied that I was terribly irresponsible for not having gotten it to her.

After a few moments outside, I went back in for some reason. She was not there, but I talked to a secretary or whoever was there. I explained sharply that I did not need to be there and that I could just leave whenever I wanted, and wouldn't it make the nasty woman look bad if I dropped out all because of her.

Now, here is where it gets interesting. Some of my friends came in, and then we were sitting around a large rectangular table. I guess the staff was still there, but they did not say much. My friends, however, did say much. I do not remember what they said exactly, but I do know that I felt much calmer. I think they talked about why I was there, what I was to learn, what I had gone back for. They made me focus, and they made me realize what was important, and my anger, which had been volcanic previously, settled and passed into the distance like the clouds from a departing storm.

Then someone said that I should kiss this particular girl, someone who had been interested in me for some time. I guess I had kissed her in the past at some point, maybe years ago, but she had slipped out of my attention. As the group was breaking up and I was thanking friends for all their help, she approached me, and I kissed her gently. We walked out of the room and down the hall, discussing the whole thing.

I think that most of the friends around the table had been waking world friends, people who knew me from this world, but she was from the dream world, so she knew little of the fact that I was only at the school in dream. I explained that time seemed to pass for me the same as for her. I suggested it was April in her world, just as it was in mine (which is interesting, since it is March right now). We talked and shared and I got the sense that we were finally connecting. In the end, she pulled me over to an alcove and started painting my face. I don't know what she painted because I woke up, but I woke up because that was the end of the dream.

In fact, the reason I am writing about it is that it felt like something had come together, concluded. It was like I no longer needed that dream high school because I had learned what I needed to learn there and it is time to move forward. There was nothing sad about this, not even with the woman who had been watching me for so long, perhaps because she does not represent a woman at all but a concept, a spirit. She was that force of maturity, stability, focus guiding me through the process of the dreams to a point where I would be ready to move on. She is not gone, but now a part of me as she always was.

I feel that this dream means that I am ready for a step into a wider world. When I was a child, I played with childish things and thought in childish ways, but now I am an adult and I may play in adult things and think in mature ways. Not that I should become some old fuddy-duddy, but that I am ready to move to a place, metaphorically, where I achieve the trappings of maturity: respect, restraint, means, connections, etc.

I have graduated the high school in my mind, and now it is time to move on to the next stage.
Tags: dream
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 1 comment
Bravo you. Let's keep going.